What is there to push? LOL

I had come to accepting the fact that my breasts are indeed flat. 

A good number of women in this world, are blessed with generous portion of what most think defines women (of course not in my radical-feminist-opinion). Breasts. Yes, breasts. 

I however, have quite a modest portion. Or so I always mentioned to my lovers. 

I never thought of it as bad. Really. I only had wished for several times that I am one size bigger.

Think of it as flats and heels. 

Some women had it full, had it elevated a bit yea?

While others, who includes me, had it more comfortably grounded.

I never put tissues into my bras. Nor had I any cuttings on my girls to make it more plumped (thank goodness). I have a couple of push up bras. But the latter had been proven a disappointment. Why? You must've thought, "push up bras is like the best invention ever!"

Well, yes, but if you're like me, what is there to push? lol. I can now easily laugh at it. Flat girls have fun too. Just look at Piper Perebo and Kiera Knightley!

So, if a man ever got close to me and told me that my girls require some fixing, I will tell him one thing,

"So does your wiener."

and walk away ;]

Gong Xi Fa Chai

The lunar new year... I don't celebrate it, yet it's another wake up call shouting,

"YES! YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF IT!"

I despise new yearS. Not sure why, but perhaps because my birthday falls on the same date (with the solar new year that is). I never really understand the hype of "new life", "new beginning", and "resolution".

Being the least motivated person in the world, new year means nothing more than another 365 days full of struggle. 

The Spirit Lighting the Moon

You see, being a functional depressed person is not easy. Come to think of it, I think it's more of a bipolar thing. One minute I am okay, but most times, I feel like shit. But whatever it is, I just... function. I am too scared to end my own life. But I am also hating life. Whoa, what the hell happened in heaven when they sent my soul to this body? Hey, even God make mistakes.

Well, that's Ms. Pessimistic talking. Ms. Other Pole. Let's give her a name, shall we? I shall call you Dot. Because Dot, only thinks of the end. Bad endings.

___________________________________________________________

I have decided to post little stuffs now instead of long entries.

It is for the better, that I post fragments of my thoughts of the day, or week or month. It shall be a project to document my poor brain activity. 

So, voila, let's begin.

Where do we go from here?

It concerns me that 2010 is ending. Soon. Very soon.

Or the fact that I haven't written in months. 

A couple of days ago I realized that new things are starting for me at the very beginning of 2011.  I will start my first professional job (at a quite ripe age of 26). I will have to get used to make the most of my day by day to obtain what I want. I too, will need to focus on the final goal of my next 5 year plan.

I don't even have a Christmas gift for mumsie. I'll see what I can get her last minute.

What am I going to do...

I am petrified in starting the new job. Normal I suppose yea?

I know that my goal will be to come back to Canada within 5 years. That's good.

I don't know how I am going to do that. Yet.

What about you? Any resolution yet? Ah, resolution. That word sounds like those extra pounds you never lose. Let's rephrase that, what is your plan to live the 2011?

I Survived 21 Days Without Facebook!

And so I did. And very proud of it. Though it was really not as bad as I thought it would be.

There was only 1 inbox. I guess I know who my real friends are. Or am I judging unjustly?
Of course people commented after my "I'm back from 21 days without FB" status. Then again, I think it's just a stupid thing I did, lol, but it's okay. I happened to enjoyed it. It's like leaving your cellphone/blackberry for the day and finally able to recognize a cute guy had always been looking at you.
Alright, not that exciting.

What I did instead of stalking people and succumb to narcissism?  
Well, I finished 2 books, White Fang by Jack London, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Now I know how a wolf looks at us as being a weird thing with a club ready to beat the crap out of them, and gained love to the little spoiled wizard. I mean really, Firebolt? From Sirius? *gag* Though I do like the story now compared to when I first saw it. I guess I just dislike over discussed things.

I concentrate on corresponding in other ways like post or email or text messages. It was a fun thing to write on paper again, putting them into an envelope, and actually handwritten the address. I realized whom of my friends I actually have real addresses and email addresses. Which explains much about deeper relationships.

I didn't worry about attractive girls writing on my ex's wall. Nor did I worry about the compulsive behavior to leave comments here and there.
Short to say, it was liberating. I even suggest it! 
I do admit I was really bad in documenting my detox period. Soweeee

Oh, the coffee? didn't work out. Last 3 weeks been busy with morning job interviews. Poor mum didn't want me to lose my head in the interviews and prepared me coffee on the morning of the 11th day. Oh well, another detox time will come.

Cheers!

Day TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!

DAY 10!!!

Without FB and coffee. I really really really really really want my coffee, but for FB, I found that it's not really necessary. I mean, I don't really have the urge to open it. I do miss contacting my friends who most are in Canada. So far I have been texting and emailing them. Wow, it's like I'm back in time when Friendster was not even existed. It'll be nice if I have Hedwig, don't you think?

My last several posts are bland eh? No pictures. Been vewy vewy lazy...

I put one pic here though, it's the book my uncle had brought with him from London. As most English books here are with the price of a rocket launching to the space, I asked him if he can get me some books when he's visiting. Got Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Other Boleyn Girl, Jane Austen Book Club and....the Knitting Club?? Should keep me busy for a while. Did I mention I am reading Harry Potter? 3rd one. I never really liked it when it first came out, but now I can see why people are madly in love with the series. 

Favorite line from HP 3, from Ron, "Should I make tea?" "It's what my mum always do whenever somebody is unhappy" LOOOOOL

Uggggggggggggh. Dreading for Tuesday's interview Y________Y

Ooooh! Found a fantastic ciabatta recipe from Kitchen Hack blog. Maybe I will try it soon. Dying to eat real bread. Not those supermarket bread.

Standing Still

I don't know why in my whole life up until now, I never really want anything. I feel disappointed a bit if I don't win something, but that's all. Then I am 26 years old. No job, no direction. A little light however, have appeared.

I do believe now that I will make a great teacher. For once, I am going to give it a full try. I can just imagine a beaming eyes of students dying to learn something new, putting their trust on me. I can do this...I wish there's Jillian Michaels to kick my butt.

In one of the interviews they asked me what my achievements are. My, that was one big TKO.
There is no such thing as too late right? Many people stay in the shadows, they survive. Many people change change careers too. It's difficult, but not impossible.

Well, I am going to give it a try. If I fail, I just need to get back up again. Until somebody out there gives me a chance. I hope when everything is said and done, more is done than said..

---------
Moving onto a lighter topic, DAY 6! Without Facebook and coffee. I hope my lack of motivation to do anything is not because of the two. lol

Can you tell that I am bipolar? It's not a sin. I think it's the new normal.

I. Need. To. Super. Poke.

So, day 4 and 5 continues without Facebook AND coffee.

The need to superpoke itches me... as well as to stalk almost 150 friends I have there. Okay, don't get braggy about having 5000 friends in FB okay? I have 150, even with that I lose contact with most. 

The point is, I miss looking at pictures, at stupid status people post or posting interesting oooorr pathetic status myself. Sigh.

Am entertaining myself with a glass of cold syrup+water with cognac. Wasn't really sure how to drink cognac, never had one before. But this one is a vintage, and I'm loving it. Totally.

Is glancing upon my mum's FB considered cheating?

I WANT MY CAPPUCINOOOO!